I Won't Let You In
by xMiu-Chan
Summary: "They belong together." That is what everyone tells me. I am told not to get in the way. And I don't, he does. He is the one that doesn't listen, and I am always blamed for his actions. He is the one that leaves her side and sneaks out to visit me. He is the one who is trying to worm his way into my heart. But I am the one who will decide if he will be let in.
1. 11:00 PM

Important events that have passed as I've written...

1.04.13 - I begin writing

1.30.13 - Happy Birthday Luka!

1.30.13 - I realize I've messed up all of my tenses (I've fixed it now.)

1.31.13 - I finish the chapter

?.?.? - I upload the chapter

* * *

_"They belong together." That's what everyone tells me. I'm told not to get in the way. And I don't, he does. He's the one that doesn't listen, and I am always blamed for his actions. He is the one that leaves her side and sneaks out to visit me. He is the one who appears at my window. He is the one who stays with me until I fall asleep. He is the one who is trying to worm his way into my heart. But I am the one who will decide if he will be let in._

* * *

"Luka-San, you have very small feet," he nudges my foot with his. "No, I think it is just because you are very small."

"That is irrelevant to math Shion-Kun, please go back to studying." It's pouring outside. It has been for days now. Kaito was soaking wet when I found him at my door, for the third time this week. He fidgets with his pencil for a bit, ignoring my request.

"Ne, Luka-San, what did I tell you about calling me that? You will address me as Kaito," he sets his book down on the floor and crawls towards me. I try to focus on the page of my textbook, ignoring him as he curls a strand of my hair around his fingers. "Understand?"

I brush his hand away. "Alright, _Kaito-Kun_, please start studying again."  
He presses closer. He smells like strawberries.

"Why don't we do something fun?" He looks at me intently. "We always study...Can't we go out and do something?"

"Go ask Miku, you're supposed to be spending time with her anyway." the words come out harsher than I mean them to.

"It's too late now," he gestures towards the clock. 11:05. He shouldn't be here. He should be with Miku. She is his girlfriend. It could probably be considered an affair being here with me.

"So what makes you think it's alright to be here then?"

He doesn't answer me. We sit there in the silence. 11:07. Is he thinking of an answer, or does he have one that he can't tell me? I watch him closely. His shockingly blue eyes stare right back at me. I'm a bit surprised, but my face does not betray me.

He has a pretty face if you look closely. It sounds strange to call a man beautiful, but I can't think of another word to describe him. He has a fair complexion, and a defined jawline. He seems to be nearly flawless. Almost like a painting. But I shouldn't think of him in this way. He is nothing more than a friend, at the most possibly a brother.

"It's because you're Luka," His voice pierces my thoughts, and then the world comes back into focus. "Because I feel better when I am around you, and It's not wrong to feel comfortable and at ease."

I have no response. So I laugh.

"I'm serious," he grabs my hand. I stop abruptly. His hand is very warm against mine. He squeezes it tightly. "You're so... Real. Everyone acts so unnatural when I'm with them, even Miku, they act like someone they aren't to impress me. But not you. You are always quiet and distant," I frown. "But..." He lifts my chin up with a long slender finger. "I know how to coax that cute side out."

His words leave me flustered. I feel my cheeks heat up, he notices and grins. "You see," he runs his hand through my hair. "That was attractive."

I reach out to push him away. My hands land on his chest, and underneath my splayed fingers, I feel his heart beating rapidly. I look up at him inquisitively. His smile fades. I open my mouth to speak, but decide to hold my tongue. He sits back, obscuring his face with his hands. I can see his ears are tinged a bright pink. He's embarrassed. I haven't seen him like this since we were children.

He hides these sort of emotions, thinking that they'll lead to humiliation. It's almost sad. His dorky smile really is adorable. I smile, and grab his hands, pulling them away from his face. At this, a deeper red floods his cheeks. I try not to laugh. He covers his face once more and glares at me from between his fingers.

"So Kaito-Kun can turn that shade of red," I poke him playfully. "Miku and I have wondered if you could for a while now..." He mumbles something. 11:23. A bright flash outside illuminates my balcony, I notice the rain hasn't stopped. He sniffs. I take a closer look at his face. He still is staring at me. I move towards him. He doesn't try to stop me. I'm on my knees now, next to him.

"Kaito-Kun, let me feel your forehead." He shifts uncomfortably. Got him.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me," He waves me away. He stands, and walks towards the window. "Well, I should get going."

I get up and follow him. His fingertips trail over the lock. I rush towards him, tripping on the carpet, and crash into him. I wrap my arms around him from behind to steady myself.

"Luka-San," his voice is void of all emotion. "Don't do these kinds of things, they only tempt me." He turns around and embraces me. I ignore this and raise my hand and place it on his forehead. He stiffens.

"Damn."

"You idiot," I whisper into his shirt. "You got yourself sick."

* * *

A/N: *Sigh* I finished the first chapter! Thank god. I've meant to write for a while now, but no ideas came to me.

Thank you to anyone who decided to read, I do plan on making this a 3 chapter or longer story, though I don't have it all planned out quite yet.

Those who remember the seemingly insignificant part about Kaito's jawline... It's actually my not-as-subtle-as-it-should-be way of listing things I love about Super Junior's Eunhyuk.

Ch: 2 Preview [Title: (To Be Decided)]

**(I'll be writing this next chapter in Kaito's P.O.V)**

"That's sweet. You got up early to make breakfast for me. It's like we are a married couple." I grin as her cheeks turn pink.

"Quiet! You should be lying down anyway. Stupid, you shouldn't be up like this," She mutters, trying to hide her face. She pauses for a moment. I play with the bow that hangs from her apron around her waist. She squirms at my touch. "Don't do that... If you aren't going to lay down then at least go wrap yourself up in a blanket and sit down at the table."

I pout. She turns to me suddenly. "Please Kaito-Kun, I don't want your fever to get worse." I stop.

A/N: And that's where I'll stop, admittedly it's not much of a cliff hanger, but it'll have to do for now.


	2. I Want To Hold You

Sorry for the wait, I've recently joined and my [K-pop] bias fetish decided to make another appearance a couple of days ago.

Important events that have passed...

2.1.13 - I begin writing

2.2.13 - I realize I'm going absolutely nowhere and procrastinate

2.5.13 - I begin again

2.6.13 - I give up

Somewhere inbetween.. I write a lot

3.12.13 - I plan on posting

* * *

A/N: This _**IS **_in Kaito's P.O.V so please do not get confused, some time has elapsed in the story between chapters.

* * *

Is it unfair to do this to her? Will I be hurting her? Or myself? I've tangled myself up in this mess, and she's doing her best to get me out of it. But the closer I let her get, the worse this all will become. And to top it all off, I've been careless and caught a cold.

Clearly I am a genius. Because there is absolutely no way no one won't find out about this. I don't care that Kamui Gakupo the closet pervert will think, or what the others would say, I'm just worried that instead of me getting scolded, it will be Luka who inherits the blame. Luka, I'm sorry.

I can feel her warmth as she hovers over me. I don't think she knows I am awake. Her hand brushes up against my cheek, obviously it was an accident because she pulls away suddenly. Though, I am surprised when she touches me again. Her skin is soft, and she caresses my face gently.

She sniffs quietly. I still haven't opened my eyes. But I know she feels guilty, and if I were to see her face, it would show. A tear falls, landing on my face. She's crying for me. That's the last thing I wanted to happen. She wipes it away quickly, and once again, I don't know what to do. I want to hold her. I want her to be mine. I want her love. It is hard not when I'm not around her. It almost seems like I can't breathe. Like I am choking on the lies people are feeding me.

"Kaito-Kun, you're such a gentleman!" They don't mean it. I can tell they hate it, sucking up to me. I hope they know they'll never get anything from me. I'm disgusted by their behavior.

She is always honest. Even if brutally so. She knows, the way I truly am. That I'm not as kind as I am perceived, and certainly not a gentleman. Nevertheless, she accepts it. I relentlessly tease her, verbally, and on occasion physically. But she always snaps back, retorts, and is utterly herself. She does not act this way with everyone she encounters. The same can be said for me. Her perpetual kindness concerning small children, and the handful of people she cares for, doesn't not entirely make up for the fact that she doesn't know the meaning of subtlety. So, we both have faults. We share our flaws, and I've come to depend on her to be there for me.

Suddenly, I feel her lips of my forehead, and I'm unsure how to react. I never thought she'd do something this bold. Let alone towards me. Nevertheless, I'm comforted by this gesture. But also embarrassed beyond all reason.

It takes every ounce of self control I have to not smile. The heat she was radiating disappears as she gets up off of my futon. I hear the door close, and immediately turn over and bury my face in the pillow. My face is burning.

* * *

(A/N: The following section is from Miku's P.O.V but I'm too stubborn to simply write that out)

I open the door and step in. Immediately I notice that his scarf isn't where it should be. "Again," I mutter. "This is becoming routine for him." He wasn't here last night, or the night before, but I don't care anymore. If he wants to leave me, so be it. I'll just do the same. They'll tell me I should be concerned that my boyfriend is most likely having an affair. Like I need their opinion. As if. I'm my own person, I can make my own decisions.

I sigh and sit back on the couch, tucking my legs up against my chest. I was the one to confess to him, and it's not like I don't care for him. I still like him, I suppose. But, this whole relationship isn't want I wanted. Now, I'm sure we're only together to keep the others happy. They seem to believe that we're tied together by the "red string of fate". They're so stupid. They should know the thread can easily be severed. And who's to say it didn't get tangled up along the way? If we were to unwind it all it wouldn't be me he's connected to.

So who then? Who does he belong to? My chest tightens. Why does she get him? What's wrong with me? Am I not good enough? I'm suddenly very envious of this person. I am on my feet now. Wait. I sit back down. I just said I'd be fine without him. Why am I getting so worked up?

"I had him first!" I cry out. No, Miku, you don't want him. Stop this. I don't. "Why would he choose someone else, he has me! I-It's not fair. He's mine. Until I give him up he doesn't, he doesn't... He can't love anyone other than me."

* * *

A/N: THIS CHAPTER IS TURNING OUT REALLY LAME, I'M SORRY, Anyway, back to Kaito

* * *

I lift my head. The clock on the wall reads 8:13. I groan quietly as I prop myself up with an elbow. My head hurts, as if someone hit me over the head with a hammer. Slowly, I stand up, wobbling as I try to balance myself. My legs feel weak. I tousle my hair, though it probably doesn't make a difference, I sleep restlessly, leaving me with a ridiculous case of bed head in the morning. I stumble around before running into the door. After fighting with the doorknob, I trudge out into the sitting room, trying my best to look healthy, and not in the least bit of pain, but my head is throbbing. I can hear her humming softly in the kitchen. I sneak up behind her, wrapping my arms around her, eliciting a gasp from her delicate mouth. _How cute. _I bend over and rest my head on her shoulder, her cheek pressing up against mine.

"That's sweet. You got up early to make breakfast for me. It's like we are a married couple." I grin as her face flushes a light pink.

"Quiet! You should be lying down anyway. Stupid, you're still running a fever," She mutters, trying to hide her face. She pauses for a moment. I play with the bow that hangs from her apron around her waist. She squirms at my touch. "Don't do that... If you aren't going to lay down then at least go wrap yourself up in a blanket and sit down at the table."

I pout dramatically. She turns to me suddenly. "Please Kaito-Kun, I don't want your cold to get worse." I stop. I feel like I have been stabbed again. Though, this time, the pain is in my chest. Nervously I back away, and lick my lips. A dangerously lewd thought crosses my mind as my gaze sank lower. I shook it away, and obediently sat on the couch. _Don't think about these things. You'll only_ create_ more trouble for her. _"That's just great Kaito," he says to himself under his breath. "Now she'll have to take care of a pervert."

* * *

ASDFGHJKL. I finished. I feel like something heavy has been lifted off of my chest. Sorry it took so long to update, I ended up writing another fanfiction somewhere else (DON'T GO LOOKING FOR IT) to satisfy my yaoi feels. I plan on spending more time this weekend to write the next chapter, procrastinating has really not been fun. There is so much guilt involved. (*naively stupid attitude*). Ugh, It's still not very long... Sorry. Again.


	3. For Your Sake

Again, I write quite slowly, (and I'm sure you all want to murder me for it) but hopefully this time I didn't make you wait as long.

Interesting crap that happened during the writing process...

3.13.13 - Draft begun

3.13.13 - jhkiqwg**goddammit**asjlhgd Himchan (of B.A.P) is too lovable.

3.17.13 - Orchestra Festival, limited time to write QAQ (We totally bombed it)

3.19.13 - Writing spree

3.19.13 - B1A4's Tried to Walk is the best song in the existence of everything.

3.19.13 - I'm really getting irrelevant, ne?

A/N: I'll begin in Luka's P.O.V because I don't know how guys think, and most likely made Kaito sound like a woman. Hooray for femininity!

* * *

I watch him intently as he brings the spoon up to his mouth. He drinks it quietly, and no hint of emotion flickers over his face. I hope I haven't poisoned him. He catches my eyes, and smirks when he sees my anxiety. I have never been a good cook, so really I only boiled broth and hoped for the best, but I seem to have fallen a little short. I am unsure of how to take care of a sick person, let alone what to feed them, as one hasn't been left in my care before. He licks his lips. I look to him hopefully.

"This tastes like hot water," he says laying on his back, propping his feet up on a pillow lazily. I try not to feel insulted. "Maybe next time you could have given me some rice, or chicken.." He trails off, and I can't help but feel horrible. A wave of depression swallows me up. "Hey," he says quickly. _Don't make him feel bad Luka._ I scold myself. "Don't worry, I can't really taste anything so it wouldn't have made a difference!" That didn't help at all. "It's really fi-" He flinches, I notice his eye twitch like it always does when something is hurting him. Of course, he is in pain. I should have been more considerate. He needs to be as relaxed as possible, not having to be bothered with my unbridled emotions. I stand up abruptly. _I'll go fetch more blankets, and a cloth, that's what they always place on the person's head isn't it, to cool them down? _

His eyes widen, and he struggles to get up. My chest tightens. He's in incompetent hands. Miku should be the one taking care of him. I have no idea what to do, and my efforts are doing little. I place a hand on his chest and push him back down gently. "I'll go wet a cloth," I try to smile, for his sake. He bites his lip, as if he was about to say something, but decided against it. I don't move consciously, my mind is clouded with apprehension. I contemplate calling Miku. _Keeping his condition in mind, it would be for the best. _However, she'd be furious to find him with me. And then I realize; none of this would have happened if it weren't for me. A wave of guilt hits me. I walk back over to Kaito, who seems to have paled in the past few minutes. I lay the damp rag on his forehead, and trail my fingers down the side of his face. _I'm sorry. It's all my fault isn't it? If it hadn't been for me, he wouldn't have waited out in the rain, and risking his health to see me. _

"Would you like me to call Miku," I kneel beside him. "Would it make you feel better?"

"No. Please don't," he curls his fingers, locking them together with mine. "I'd rather not see her now. Just you is fine." I selfishly loved hearing him say that. But Kaito isn't mine, and I should monopolize him like this. Especially when he isn't feeling well. He shoots a strained smile my way, trying to reassure me. _Thank you for trying. _My worries aren't subdued. I'm not sure he's knows much this is hurting me, or him. I hate seeing him so weak like this, no smile, his eyes are lifeless. Does he not know he's not only harming himself?

"Kaito-kun," I pull my hand away. "I really should though, Miku needs to know. She can take care of you."

"No!" I am surprised to hear him raise his voice. "I don't want her knowing I am here. I don't want her to take me away. I want to stay here."

He says this, and each word is stern, but I still find it difficult to take him seriously. He pulls the blanket further up his thin frame, not aware of how childish he looks. Not strengthening any protest he might have to my unspoken remark, he pouts, jutting out his lower lip. I brush his bangs out of his face, and lean over.

"You're too stubborn for your own good." I brush my lips up against his cheek, quite pleased with the shade of pink that floods in.

* * *

I wake up to find myself surrounded by shredded photographs. _Maybe I should burn them too. _My head hurts, probably from all the shots I wasn't supposed to drink. I had tried my best to forget about last night's tantrum. _You still love him don't you?_ "I DON'T CARE ABOUT KAITO ANYMORE," I shriek, throwing an empty glass at the window.

(A/N: Yes, Miku is going to throw tantrums for just about every chapter she is in. That is, until I figure out what to do with her.)

I see his face everywhere. He is smiling. But not at me. At someone else. Not me. It's never me. It never was me, was it? _Then why did he confess in the first place?_ _If he didn't love me, then why? Why? Why? WHY? _I clamp my hands over my ears, doing my best to drown out the perpetual chanting. How did it get to be so bad? When did I ever allow jealousy to corrupt me? Why was this happening to me? Kaito, what did I do wrong?

Nothing. Right? I was nothing but lovely around him. Laughing at his cheesy jokes even if they weren't funny, holding his hand, cuddling with him, just like a loyal girlfriend. Was that not what he wanted? None of the other girls were sweeter than me. Especially not Luka. If he said something unintelligent, she'd flat-out tell him he was an idiot. She always spoke to him coldly, no shred of compassion for him. Kaito never seemed to be bothered by her attitude though. In fact, I think he was amused by it. Megurine Luka, the Ice Queen didn't faze him even slightly.

I slouch back on a lone pillow, and replay my thoughts. That was it wasn't it? Luka. It was Luka. He left me for Luka. The very girl who acted as if she detested his existence. Yet, it all made sense. They had been friends all the way through their childhood. According to Kaito that is. And now that I think of it, he talked about her quite often. So why couldn't I have noticed before? _You were a lovesick puppy. _I was wasn't I? I really did fall for him. So why did I think it would be so easy to give him up, to give him away? Had anything changed for me? Surely there wasn't anyone else. I can't remember anything now. It's all him. The only thing that occupies my mind. Kaito. Shion Kaito. I loved him. And he loved me. No, he LOVES me. He still did, and I would make him realize that. And I would willingly remove Luka from the picture if I had to.

She took something of mine, and I intend to get it back. But what would I gain in the end? Kaito surely would hate me if I brought any harm to the pink-haired girl. "God forbid any suffering should befall the fair-skinned beauty." I scoff.

I laugh to myself as I make my way to the bathroom. I notice the cracked mirror. When did this happen? This sends me into another fit of giggles. I pick up one of the shards carefully. My face is reflected in the glass, and I can honestly say I look like a wreck. My eyes are bloodshot, my cheeks stained with tears and who knows what else, and my skin, dull. I prick the tip of my finger on the glass, a pearl of blood falls, trickling down my hand. What a wonderful contrast.

Dark red would definitely complement her white skin, wouldn't it?

* * *

A/N: And so the sadistic author returns. I actually have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this story, but I have this vague idea that it's not going to end without some bandages required. Yes, the two girls are going to claw each others eyes out.

I'm not happy with Miku's personality. I really am not. I don't like, super-supportive-understanding-sweet-innocent-Miku, but I know she should't be this bitchy. Oh well, I plan on her rehabilitation in the near future.

On another note, WHY IS THIS SO SHORT?


	4. Not Me

Hello~ I'm glad to see I'm not the absolute worst author in the world, everyone's comments, no matter how short, are really supportive. Thank you.

Actually no, I probably am the worst author EVER, because it has been over two months since I announced my "short" hiatus. Clearly I forgot the meaning of the word 'short'. I do not know now to express how sorry I am, but all I know is that I'd probably have to slave away for the rest of my life trying to make up for it.

Event Log:

_._._ - I don't even know.

* * *

Admittedly, I was startled when she kissed me. Not that I disliked it. It was unexpected. I look up at her, asking for an answer. She smiles at me, as if nothing had happened, and walks away. I lay there dumbfounded, and blushing furiously. I bring my hands to my face, trying to cover the pink flushing my cheeks. Luka hadn't ever been so bold. In fact, until yesterday, I was convinced she hated me. We have known each other for many years, and our relationship consists of me "harrasing" her, or so she puts it, and her doing her best to ignore it.

There were always times where she would be kind, but that comforting smile would dissapear soon afterwards. When I had broken my arm after falling from a tree, I had woken up to see her resting her head on the side of my bed. She was very angry at me for scaring her. Her mother had later told me she had refused to leave my side. I had thought that she had changed, but the next day at school she insulted me once more. I recall her slapping me at the end of the day, scolding me about letting all of the girls dote on me.

That gets me to laugh. Luka, turns around immediately, a slight glint of panic in her eyes. She must be thinking I was laughing at her, and her little kiss.

"What is it," She questions. "I don't understand. What is so funny?"

"Nothing," I wave my hands frantically, attempting to discourage any potential anger that might be stirring inside her.

"No, tell me. I want to know now."

My mouth flaps uselessly. I have nothing to tell her. Correction. Nothing that I _want_ to tell her.

"Kaito-kun, I'm waiting."

"I, uhm, was, remembering something," How could I explain that I thought her jealously as a child was cute?

"Oh? And what might that be," Luka's tone was icy.

"When I broke my arm."

"Oh," Her gaze fell as pink flushed her cheeks.

"There isn't anything wrong with that, is there?"

She frowns. "No. No there isn't."

"Then don't freak out, okay?"

"I wasn't 'freaking out'," She insists, her irritation evident in her choice of tone.

"Well you got pretty excited. I thought you might have been angry with me, and if that was in fact the case, you did so in record time."

Her eye twitched. I guess we were back the our old routine. So much for opening up.

"You're impossible," see groaned and fell back onto the couch, massaging her temple.

"And I pride myself on it."

"I see you're full of it too."

"Yes, extremely."

"Stop it," She laughs, swatting me playfully.

"Stop what?"

"Agreeing with me. It's not fun anymore."

"Oh? So it was fun to bother me before?"

"Very," She answered, crossing her legs. Leaning over, she cups the bowl of soup I had placed on the table earlier in her hands, bringing the rim to her lips, and lifting the bowl ever so slightly for a taste. Luka furrows her eyebrows, and makes a face. "Ugh, that tastes awful."

"I can't argue. Sorry."

"Tch. So much for making you a decent breakfast."

"It's the thought that counts," I offer, weakly reaching for her hand.

She squeezes back softly, giving me an appreciative smile.

"I just wish I was a better cook. I'll have to get Yuuma-Kun to give me more lessons sometime."

Yuuma? As far as I knew, he didn't speak to anyone, keeping to himself in the furthest corner from the front, next to the large window he would stare out all day.

"Yuuma talks to you?"

Luka looked suprised at my question, "Yes, why? Does he not talk to you?".

I shook my head. "No, not even once."

"Well, he's a really friendly person. And he's got an absolutely wonderful voice too. Whenever he comes over to visit, he'll share a couple of recipes he likes, and then we'll talk for a bit," She spoke energetically, and I couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit jealous. "We also have relatively the same taste in music, so I like singing with him."

I frown. "You never sing with me."

"I never realized you like singing."

"Well, I might if I was singing with you."

"You're such a dork. What. With your cheesy lines, and everything."

"But I'm a lovable dork," I smile brightly. I liked conversing with her like this. It made me forget about how awful I felt on the inside.

She scoffs, "Sure, if that makes you happy."

"It does," I say, placing a hand on my chest.

"Mmm, alright, well I need to go clean up my mess. You stay here," She adjust the rag on my forehead, pressing it down tenderly. "Do you feel any better."

"Yes, but not if you're going to leave me here." I chirp.

Luka laughs, her warm, addictive laugh that I love hearing so much.

"That's unfortunate then, because I really must."

* * *

I place a shaky hand on the countertop, trying to steady myself. I begin to limp to my bedroom.

_Luka_. She was an awful person. Taking my Kaito away from me. Even if I no longer wanted him, he was still mine until one of us ended things. Whatever she did with him while Kaito and I were still a couple, would mean she was an illicit lover. So many would hate her if anyone found out. Because they all love me. I was most important. Not her.

"She's awful. She's an awful person. Not me, her. Not me. I'm not. Not me." I try to reassure myself. "She's to blame. I haven't done anything wrong. Not me. Not me."

I shake my head.

"It's me, isn't it?" I whisper hoarsely.

* * *

I honestly didn't know what to do with Miku here. And I kept losing ideas. Gosh. I'm a little frustrated with myself right now, because I chose to write this in first person. And because I'm having difficulty writing from this point of view.

Alright, I'll stop complaining.

See you.


End file.
